Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
