We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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