when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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