I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
