I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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