Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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