She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
