I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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