the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
