If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
