was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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