Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
