a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
