dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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