hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
