Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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