You smell like a Billy Joel song
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
