laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
