call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
