party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
