i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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