Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
