I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
a search helicopter?!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
