My hand turned me down
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
