Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
