Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
