Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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