and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
