I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
