Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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