I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
