Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She's the barista slut.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
