literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
