I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
