I cannot find my penis.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
