You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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