Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
