I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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