i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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