she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
