She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
