I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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