i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
