Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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