How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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