Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
