So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
