I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
