dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
