Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
