She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
