Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
