just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
