my phone needs a breathalizer
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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