i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
