i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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