yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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