I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
