There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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