"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
