Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
