Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
