i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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