Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
