I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
